Far from perfect

I’m not perfect, no one is. But sometimes that’s easy to forget. We get so caught up in what the world tells us is perfect, and we all strive so hard to reach the unattainable goal.

I bring this up because, sometimes, people will make choices and decisions that may not make sense to you. But who are we to judge? I’m not talking about someone choosing to wear purple suspenders or cut their hair off. I’m talking major life decisions. You don’t need to understand them. Maybe they have a reason, maybe they don’t.  But it’s not up to us to make that call.

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This is my best friend and her little  boy. She has metastatic cancer, and she is amazing. She is smart and funny and compassionate and brilliant. She is a fantastic mom. She is an amazing wife. And Wayne adores his mom, not because she’s perfect, but because she’s HIS Mom.

Why do I tell you this? Because in October of last year I left my fairly cushy government job (granted its as only 16 hours a week) to pursue my other job full time, because it allowed me the flexibility to spend my days with them.

We all make decisions in our life that other people aren’t going to understand. That’s ok. She is one of the people I love most in this world, and I am privileged to get to spend this time with her. I realize that not everyone can make a career change like this. Not everyone is able to leave job to spend time with their lived ones. But I did the math and I knew it would be possible. Scary, close, a little risky, but possible. I have to be extra careful to save my pennies and to watch my bank account. But it allows me to spend my days with my best friend. It allows me to pick up my nephew from school and go on adventures.  It allows me to be there. Today we napped (ok she napped and I watched TV), and some days we do even less.

I would not trade this experience for anything. And there is no job in the world that is worth more than what I have right now. They are my world. And I am so lucky to have this opportunity.

Please, hug the ones you love. Tell them often. Do what you need to do to make the right decision for YOU. No one has the right to judge you for those choices.

Shopping Habits

Let me just start by saying that I love shopping. Grocery shopping, shoe shopping, pet supply shopping, all of it.  I love comparing prices and item quality. I 100% get this from my mom. When I was little, most Saturday mornings were spent at Nordstrom with Debbie, my mom’s personal shopper. She would have racks and racks of clothes for my mom to try on. I would sit on the little pedestal, coloring book in hand, and watch my mom come out in outfit after outfit. Deciding what she loved and what she didn’t.

It was my favorite thing to do with my mom. I got all her attention, and the clothes were beautiful. Not to mention the sweet ladies at Nordstrom would always bring me some kind of yummy treat to enjoy.

I realize of course that this is not a normal childhood experience. I know how fortunate my family was financially, and how incredibly lucky I was to have such a secure childhood. Regardless, this is one of my favorite memories of my mom. I didn’t get to spend lots of time with her during the week (she was and will always be a #girlboss) so weekend mornings were treasured.

ALL THAT being said, I realize that shopping is something I associate with wonderful Mom time. Even going to Trader Joe’s for cucumbers makes me think about that quality time. So now, when I’m lonely or bored, I want to shop.

It’s not even a conscious thing. I get distracted at work and look on Madewell’s website. Or I pull up Amazon on my phone while I’m waiting in line somewhere. The stuff doesn’t bring me joy, the shopping for it does. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I asked my friends, and more than a couple of them also buy things not because they really need (or even want) the things, but because the act of looking and comparing and purchasing brings them joy.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am all about accountability. I am way more likely to stick to something if I have someone that is keeping an eye on me. I tell my roommate EVERYTHING so that she can keep me set on my goals. I am way better if someone is looking out for me too.

What about you? are you more into the shopping itself, or the stuff?  (there are btw, MANY articles on the subject, I’ll do a post on that soon)

Since when is Millennial a bad word?

I see articles every day along the lines of “why millennials struggle to survive the current job market” or “I don’t envy millennial today” or “why millennials ruined x, y, or z”. WTF? What did we ever do to you?

I recently turned 30, so I still technically fall into the millennial category (ages 23-37ish currently) and it seems like it has turned into a dirty word! People reference this generation of people like we are the worst thing to happen to society. Millennial ruined everything. Millennial are always on their phones. Millennials don’t know the meaning of hard work. On and on and on. And quite frankly, it kind of sucks!

First and foremost, I don’t think it’s fair to blame one generation of people for any particular issue. There will always be outliers and those that conform to the stereotype, but let’s not clump everyone together. There will always be someone who doesn’t want to work hard, who rests on the money Daddy gave them and doesn’t feel the need to contribute to society. There are however, an equal number of millennials who work their asses off trying to better this world. The night shift nurses, the non-profit managers who aspire to save the world, the computer techies who build apps to check on family members in a disaster. They care, more than the world gives them credit for. And instead of getting stuck at a job they hate, they are turning to their passions to feed them. They are building, creating, changing. They are digging deep, often making little money to start with, to actually DO something. They are the ones out there fighting for what they believe in.

You taught us that we can be anything we want, right? President, pilot, scientist, artist, musician, Olympian. Don’t tell little girls they can achieve greatness and then ignore them! Support them! Build them up and set them up to succeed. That’s where I think society finds complaints with my generation. You told us we can do anything, and that you expect a lot from us. We don’t want it handed to us, but we may get there a different way.

Many of my friends’ parents often talk about how they worked menial jobs to support their families, and that we know nothing about working simply because we have to. Here’s the thing, my mom told me, from day one, that I could be anything I dreamed of .She never told me “you’ll go to college, then be a secretary until you get married. Then you can quit.” Uh, no. My mom is the most bad ass woman I know. She has been a CEO, CFO, president of companies. She works her ass off. And she loves her job! She is changing the world by working hard. And people take notice of that. I think if I told her I wanted to spend my life twiddling my thumbs waiting for a husband or doing “just something” she would have lost it. She told me to aim for the moon. So that’s what I’m doing.

My point is, just because you don’t understand everything about our career choices, doesn’t mean we are wrong. We are a group of highly motivated, creative, driven individuals. We are solving problems that no one has been able to touch until now. Give us a chance to prove ourselves!

Some people call millennials lazy, apathetic. Hardly. We want a work/life balance, what’s wrong with that?! So we want to make money AND spend time with our families, gasp! What a novel concept. It really amazes me that so many people are so quick to point at this group of young people and judge. We are going to change the world, in amazing ways. Just you watch.

Money Diary: What I learned

So I spent an entire week tracking every cent that I spent. What did I learn? Quite a lot actually!

I don’t realize how many times I go to the store for just one thing, and come out with three or more. As much as I try to do just one big trip per week, there are always going to be a few things that I want to get fresh the day of. Think, fresh baked bread, salmon fillets etc. Well, each time I go in I end up coming out with more than just the one item. Ok not ALWAYS, but usually. Oh I forgot I need cheese, or bandaids, or chocolate. So instead of $2 it ends up being $11 or more. And if I do this three time a week, that’s $30 that I wasn’t planning on spending! I am going to try to be better about doing one shopping trip a week, and staying within that budget. I think that’ll really help trim a few bucks.

I never really think about bill paying. Let me explain. I pay my $300 vet bill (for example) but then when I look at my bank account I don’t know where the money went. Yes I’m paying down a bill, but it doesn’t feel the same for some reason.

Eating out adds up. I mean I know we all know this. But I never think about it because I really don’t eat out that often. But even two times in one week was over $20. And ya sometimes things come up, and we all go out. Ok, not the end of the world.

Keeping track helps. When I was writing down each penny I spent, I was a lot more aware. I didn’t want the internet to know that I spent money on X, Y, or Z so I didn’t spend it. And that helped! It goes back to accountability for me I think.

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All in all I would definitely say this was a great experience. I recommend everyone try it for some period of time. That being said, I also learned that a total spending freeze isn’t always practical for everyone. I do however think small blocks of time are good. A day? A  week? Try small. A month was almost feasible for me, and I have successfully done it before. But a few small things tripped me up. And I let it go. I didn’t want to feel like I had failed. And that’s okay!

Have you ever tried tracking your every penny? I recommend you try it some time. You might actually learn something about yourself!

Money Diary: Day Seven

6:50 AM – Up and exhausted. I never sleep well and so early mornings are not my favorite thing. I walk the dogs, feed them, and put on some coffee. I stumble back upstairs and snuggle with the cat for an hour, forgetting the coffee. Balls.

8:15 AM – Remember the coffee so head back downstairs. I enjoy a cup while doing some minor adulating (laundry and finishing dishes). Then I hop in the shower.

10:30 AM – Head out the door for some errands. Get gas at Costco $15.51. I pick up a prescription and run a few other boring errands. I am supposed to meet a guy for tea at 1pm so I want to get my stuff done before then.

1:00 PM – I get to the tea shop for my date. $2.50 for a cup of peppermint tea. The date is a bit of a dud but no harm no foul.

3:00 PM – I arrive at my friend’s house to check on her. I snag her car keys so I can go pick up her son from daycare. I try to pick him up a couple times a week and I love my afternoons with him. He is such a sweet little man! He will be three next month and the light of my life. When I walk into his classroom he says gasps “MoMo!” melt my heart! In the car he tells me “I love your beautiful nails MoMo!” I can’t make this up! He is such a love! We go to get frozen yogurt, or as he calls it Candy Ice Cream. $5.40 (I may have gotten him way more than he can eat.)

5:00 PM – We head back to his house to check on Mom and Dad. I drop him off and head back home, heart full of love.

6:00 PM – I get home and have some bread and cheese for dinner.

7:00 PM – I talk to one of my closest friends from college who is getting married this summer. I need to start looking at flights and places to stay. It’s not going to be a cheap trip (they are getting married in Lake Tahoe in July) so I need to start planning now.

9:00 PM – Dogs out for one last walk and off to bed!

Total Spent: $22.41

Money Diary: Day Six

6:45 AM – Up and at ‘em. Walk the dogs, and because I am not working on anything time sensitive, try to go back to sleep for a bit.

7:30 AM – One of my dogs is definitely not into resting this morning, so we get up and go for another walk. I make a piece of toast, and watch a little morning news.

9:30 AM – Head to Winco for a few things I need to pick up. I get cat food, avocados, yogurt, crackers, frozen mangos and hash browns. $21.30

 10:30 AM – Groceries in tow I head over to my best friend’s house. We watch silly TV and discuss our weekends. For lunch, we heat up random things found in her fridge.

12:15 PM – Bestie’s Hubby comes home and we watch the Assassination of Gianni Versace. Very good!

3:30 PM – I head to Safeway and Trader Joe’s to get a couple airplane snacks for my trip this coming Saturday. $17.60

 4:30 PM – Back home, I walk my dogs and put the food away. I eat a snack plate of hummus, olives, pita chips, carrots and cucumbers. It will keep me full until dinner.

6:00 PM – Bread and goat cheese. I’m an adult, that counts as dinner, right?

9:15 PM – Roommate and I decide to book our trip to San Diego before bed. The total comes out to $430 and she will pay me for her ticket later so my total is $215

9:45 PM – Off to bed!

Total spent: $243.90

Money Diaries: Day Five

7:20 AM – Come on guys! It’s Sunday! Do we really have to get up this early on a weekend!? I walk the dogs and feed them and head back to bed. I don’t actually get much more sleep because the dogs are so fussy this morning, so we roll out of bed around 8:30 for a second time.

8:45 AM – I make some toast and drink a glass of water. I decide to take a shower because I am not sure what my day is going to look like. I have friends coming over this afternoon and I want to get to Winco if there is time.

9:00 AM – I get a text from my bestie that she isn’t feeling well today, so I tentatively decide not to do anything important today in case she needs me to pick up her little one. We discuss me keeping her company tomorrow and picking up her little boy on Tuesday. Ok, now I can shower.

10:30 AM – Finish drying my hair and doing a few adult things (dishes, laundry etc.) Roommate and her man go out to breakfast and offer to bring coffee home for me (I’m out of creamer) Yes please!

10:45 AM – I put on the record from last night (SYML) and pick up my book. I am about 2/3 through it and I know it is going to break my heart. But I love the story so much so I settle in for the rest of the book.

11:15 AM – (Home with coffee) Still reading, heart breaking.

1:15 PM – I finish the book. I’m sobbing and covered in snot, total hot mess. I love this story so much. I wash my face and drink a glass of water. I’m exhausted (emotionally) and decide to take a nap until my friends come over.

2:00 PM – Do you have a cat? Cats are the most wonderful creatures, mine loves to snuggle and literally be on my face at all times. This however doesn’t allow for good napping conditions. I settle for bed rest and flipping through Instagram.

2:20 PM – My friends call to tell me they are on the train and should arrive in an hour. Suddenly feeling my lack of food, but they mentioned wanting to get Mexican food so I don’t want to eat anything until they get here.

3:30 PM – I walk the dogs. Because of the weekend schedule (apparently) the train my friends are on stopped a few stations too soon and is turning around. So, they get off the train and call for me to pick them up. Ok, off we go.

3:45 PM – We swing by the house to pick up Roomie and head to a new restaurant.

4:00 PM – We devour the chips and salsa and all order yummy food. We split dinner 4 ways and my portion comes to $11.50

 5:00 PM – Thoroughly stuffed, we head home to watch a movie. We pick The Big Sick (go see it!) and all hang out on the couch.

7:45 PM – It was a great movie, everyone loved it. My friends decide to call a Lyft to get home, as the train is going to take an hour.

8:15 PM – Roommate watches something on TV while I walk the dogs and read some blogs. I am exhausted from being up so late, and the emotional rollercoaster of the book I read this morning (is this just something that happens to me?  I get so caught up in a story that it literally exhausts me.)

9:00 PM – I think I’m going to head to bed early tonight. It’s going to be a very busy week and I’d like to start off on the right foot.

Total spent: $11.50

Money Diary: Day Four

8:10 AM – Holy crap! We actually slept in! The dogs woke up about 30 minutes ago but I managed to get them to settle down until now. It’s the little things.

8:30 AM – I make coffee and a piece of toast. I also have a grapefruit. We get an Imperfect Produce box every two weeks full of funny looking fruits/veggies. There is nothing wrong with the produce but it isn’t pretty enough to sell in conventional grocery stores. So, at a discounted price it’s delivered to our house! We get to customize it and it’s a great deal! The grapefruit were small, like the size of a standard orange, so I assume that’s why they were “imperfect” (tasted just perfect to me!) Roomie takes my Doberman for a run (single woman running alone is a no-no in our house. He’s the only one of our dogs who would actually defend us so he is the designated running partner.)

9:30 AM – We all hang out, roomie stretches after her run, and we decide to see a movie this afternoon. I am very interested in seeing Call Me By Your Name. I also look into kitty-knuckle keychains for the two of us, you can never be too careful! $16

10:45 AM – Laundry and other adult tasks (dishes, general cleaning) until it’s time to go for the movie.

12:30 PM – We go to New Seasons, a local market, next to the theater. I get orzo salad with grilled chicken from the salad bar to enjoy during the movie $4.50

 1:15 PM – Roomie uses her Movie Pass and I pay for my ticket to the movie $8.50 and she gets a soda for us to share.

4:10 PM – OMG the movie is amazing! Probably one of my favorite movies ever. Really, that good. I highly recommend it! Though I may have cried, a lot…

4:30 PM – Home and hungry but decide to wait a little bit. We look at Foo Fighters tickets online, I desperately want to go and have put off buying tickets! My computer locks me out for some reason so Roomie buys the tickets and will deduct the cost of my ticket from my rent for next month. Woo Hoo!!! Beyond excited to see them, they are one of my bucket list bands. Now to wait until September for the concert hah.

5:25 PM – I walk the dogs and decide to heat up some soup. We have a chest freezer in our garage and it’s basically full of soup. I make a giant pot of it weekly, and freeze at least half of it each time. That way, on nights like tonight when I don’t feel like cooking, I can heat some up easily. I listen to my SYML record and eat my soup.

6:00 PM – Feed the dogs and settle into the couch with Mulder and Scully (X-Files) and my laptop. I do some reading and some writing. I have never been one to go out much, and last month was such a busy month that I am relishing my nights in lately!

7:00 PM – Time for an adventure! Because I am so enamored by the movie we saw today, I decide I need to get the book. And read it, immediately. So roomie and I head to Powell’s Books. I could order my book on Amazon for $10 but I feel like supporting a local establishment. And this way I can read it NOW. She also picks up a book, Hidden Figures. $17 We also swing through Subway on the way home for her to pick up something to eat. I am already engaged in my book so I get nothing to eat.

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9:30 PM – I have been reading and listening to SYML on vinyl since we got home. I take the dogs out for one more walk and read until my eyes won’t stay open any longer, about 11:30 PM

Total spent: $46

Money Diary: Day Three

6:50 AM – Up and at ‘em. So tired, because I didn’t sleep well. I take the dogs on a walk, feed them, and head back to bed. I am really enjoying this week of slow mornings!

9:00 AM – Up for the second time. I eat some avocado toast, and hop in the shower. I am supposed to meet my friends’ new baby this afternoon and I want to be fresh and clean! I get ready to head across town and walk the dogs one more time.

10:45 AM – Drive across town, and decide to make a brows appointment. I kill some time looking at records at Music Millennium, and end up breaking my spending freeze when I pick up a record cleaning kit and a Killers album on vinyl. $46.87

 12:00 PM – I head to the salon and get my brows done. Ow. The price we pay… $17 (including tip)

12:30 PM – Back to my parents’ house to eat lunch, whatever I can find in the fridge, some chicken and rice. I watch trashy television for a couple hours until I can go over and meet the baby! (babies are on a very specific schedule apparently!)

3:00 PM – OMG this tiny human is so freaking adorable!!!! Something about little tiny babies, I just love them. Don’t want one myself, but I’m a great Auntie. We catch up over some mint tea and it’s such a lovely afternoon of baby snuggles.

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4:30 PM – I grab a cookie and head out the door for a schlep across town to home.

5:00 PM – That was a fairly painless drive after all! Get home just as roomie does and we take the dogs out. I attempt to fix a record that has been skipping and unfortunately, I think it is scuffed and will need to be replaced. So sad.

5:30 PM – We decide to get Frank’s Noodle House for dinner, each getting an order of chicken with hand-pulled noodles. Roomie gets spicy and I get mild. I pick up the check as we tend to go back and forth on who pays for dinners when we eat out or get take out. $25 (with tip)

6:00 PM – We watch an episode of the Blacklist and eat our noodles, YUM!

7:00 PM – Stuffed and content, I enjoy one of my ciders that I picked up a few weeks back. Super good! Roomie goes downstairs to paint and I enjoy more X-Files and catch up on some writing.

9:00 PM – It’s early, and a Friday night, but we decide to head off to bed early, because we are old people……

Total spent: $88.87

Money Diary: Day Two

6:45 AM – And we’re up! I feed and walk the dogs and again take a morning nap as I haven’t had an actual day off in years. It’s glorious!

9:15 AM – Up for the second time. I am feeling a little groggy so I make some coffee and some hash with whatever I can find in the fridge. In goes an egg, some cheese, some potatoes and leftover chicken. I try very hard not to be wasteful so I make an effort to use up whatever odds and ends are left during the week. I’m far from perfect but I always try.

10:30 AM – Head over to my bestie’s house. She’s fighting cancer for the second time so I spend time with her every day that I’m home. Today we watch trashy shows on TLC and Animal Planet, eat some snacks, and I drink the coffee that I brought in my thermos.  Her husband joins us for lunch and I head back home around 3pm.

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3:15 PM – Arrive home and it’s time to walk the dogs. Each dog gets a 20-minute walk even though it’s raining.

4:15 PM – I get a notice in my email reminding me that I have a payment for my animal credit card due. I have a specific credit card that I put only my animal related purchases on. If I pay each purchase off in 6 months there is no interest, so I make sure to keep track and pay off each payment as soon as possible. $236.23

 5:15 PM – Roommate gets home and we catch up since our schedules haven’t overlapped much lately. We talk about upcoming weekend plans and look at planning a trip to San Diego. I just got home from spending a few days there with my Godmother because she had surgery. It made me miss home, and family, so we decide another trip is in order.

6:20 PM – I’m not super hungry so I snack on baguette with goat cheese that I picked up earlier in the week.

7:00 PM – I spend the rest of the evening watching old X-Files episodes while my roommate paints. We all head to bed around 9pm.

Total spent: $236.23