The importance of female role models

July 13, 2018July 12, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

As mentioned in yesterday’s post, I don’t have kids and I don’t plan on having kids. For many years I went back and forth, considering adoption and the possibility of being childless. Did I really want kids? Or did society tell me I wanted kids? I think my mom would make the most amazing grandma, but is that a reason for me to have kids? Really?

Here’s the thing, I am a great Auntie. I love to spoil my friends’ kids with love and goodies. I love to take them to the park and the pool, to the beach and the movies. But at the end of the day I can give them back! I will always treasure my time with the little ones, but that doesn’t mean I should have my own. It means I can give the parents some time off to be adults while giving the kids lots of extra love.

One thing that I always think about is the relationship I have with my mom. My mom is my best friend. I tell her everything. I love my relationship with her more than anything in the world. And I love the idea of having that with a child of my own. But NOTHING will ever compare to her.

I think of all the amazing women in my life, and more and more I am seeing women choosing to not have kids. About half my friends (within 10 years of my age) have kids, and half do not. When I think of the older women in my life, almost all of them do not have kids. And maybe that’s why I gravitate towards them. They show me so much love and support and we have amazing relationships. I can be them someday! I don’t need children to guarantee love and support as I grow older. I am confident that I will be surrounded by loved ones, a family I chose for myself.

On kids and frugality

July 12, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

I don’t have kids, and I probably won’t ever have kids. But you know what? I’m okay with that. Literally every source in the world says I will change my mind. They all say “oh but you’ll never know love until you become a mother” or “being a mother is the greatest job in the world”. Agree to disagree.

To all the mothers out there: You are a badass. You are such an incredible human, I am so impressed. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and you don’t get nearly enough credit. That being said, I don’t think everyone is cut out to be a mom. Kids are a lifelong commitment, literally. An entire lifetime. Have you ever noticed that if someone says they don’t plan on having kids other people say “Are you sure? That’s such a life changing decision? Maybe think about it a little longer and you’ll change your mind.” But when someone says they are planning on having kids “oh that’s great, fantastic!” Shouldn’t we place the same weight on the consideration either way? It always seemed so backwards to me! Kids are a lifetime! Not having kids can literally change anytime! But I digress….

Let me just say, kids are expensive! We aren’t talking a negligible amount of money here. I am talking hundreds of thousands of dollars (rough estimate, on raising a kid to 18). Though I realize that many kids rely on parental assistance for many years past their 18th birthday, so that number can definitely be higher. For someone who might be on the fence about having kids, the financial responsibility should really be considered. It has always boggled my mind that people think having kids is no big deal, it’s a HUGE deal! Diapers alone!

So are kids a frugal life choice? I think there are a couple of ways we can look at this. The short answer: no. Why? Medical cost of pregnancy and having the baby, diapers, food, a home big enough for a child, daycare, school, clothes, medical costs, extra curricular, insurance, the list goes on! All of those things cost money. If someone doesn’t have kids, they will have none of those costs.

That being said, if someone does choose to have kids, I think it can be done frugally. I think there are ways to raise a child without going way overboard on your spending. I also think people should do their research before having kids as to the cost of what they are taking on. Not only are you taking on the responsibility of raising a HUMAN CHILD, but it’s not cheap!

So do kids and frugality go together? It depends on how you look at it I guess. To each their own!

How to really chill out, if you’re an overachiever like me (can it really be done?) ((and why it’s important))

June 12, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / 1 Comment

First and foremost, I am an overachiever. I set goals and like time-tables. I have charts, projections, and I’m always working towards something. It may be slow and steady at times, but it is always moving.

As a woman, I am a natural multi-tasker. I do laundry while cleaning the bathroom. I vacuum the couch while the dishwasher is running, all the while listening to an audio-book and keeping an eye on the dogs. More likely than not, if I’m watching a movie/tv show I’m also checking emails/blogs/reading the New York Times. Point being, I have a hard time sitting still and doing nothing.

So when work slowed down recently (after being out of the country for a few weeks) I literally found myself with time on my hands that I didn’t know what to do with. I haven’t been to work since mid-April. That was 2 months ago. Leading up to my trip I had all things packing, organizing, and preparing to take up my time. Upon return I had a friend in town visiting for a week, plus unpacking, cleaning, laundering, and getting back into the swing of things. That was two weeks ago. So for two weeks (and another ten days) I have no scheduled work to do. I have scrubbed, washed, laundered, vacuumed, sprayed, dusted, swept and mopped every square inch of this house. Multiple times. I have sorted my mail, my email, and all the random papers I could find around the house. I have organized my kitchen. I have read books, articles, blogs (in their entirety, no small feat!). I have watched movies, tv shows (hoarders for one, thus all the cleaning) and every documentary I could get my hands on.

Why am I telling you this? Because in the midst of all my running around, I realized something, I didn’t NEED to be doing any of it. In fact, it would probably be good for me to not do any of those things.

We have three dogs, (one is a golden retriever) so I could vacuum every day from here til eternity, and there would still be dog hair that needs to be picked up. The laundry will always be there, the dishes will always be there. I realized that I was filling my time, just for the sake of filling my time.

So I decided to do something for myself, and only myself. I decided to try to focus some attention on myself. I started in the mornings by making my favorite coffee. Instead of watching the morning news while putting away dishes and sipping coffee, I watched out the window while my water boiled. I poured water over my coffee grounds and listened to a record that I love. I enjoyed the moment. Was my morning so different? No. But I was present. I was in the moment and it really made a difference!

I tried watching a movie with my phone plugged in in another room. I sat out on my deck and read a new book while enjoying a glass of wine. Nothing major, nothing earth shattering. But it was those little moments that left me feeling calmer, more at ease.

Being home for an extended period of time can make me feel like I’m stalled, like I’m being lazy. But try to see those moments as a chance to take care of yourself. Go for a run, reconnect with an old friend, volunteer for an organization you care about. I can’t tell you what is going to be meaningful for you, each person will have their own thing.

Just don’t feel bad about taking care of yourself. Don’t feel bad about not working. We have all grown so accustomed to the “work hard, play hard” mentality, that any downtime is considered laziness. When I work constantly, without any sort of break, my work deteriorates. I miss things, the work absolutely suffers. When I take time to relax and enjoy my time off, I find myself ready and excited to get back to work. I put that much more into my job because I don’t feel bogged down.

So, once again with feeling, to all the other overachievers out there, take care of yourselves. Chill out a bit, whatever that means to you.

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Mommy and I in Amsterdam. Enjoying some much needed downtime together!

Far from perfect

February 17, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

I’m not perfect, no one is. But sometimes that’s easy to forget. We get so caught up in what the world tells us is perfect, and we all strive so hard to reach the unattainable goal.

I bring this up because, sometimes, people will make choices and decisions that may not make sense to you. But who are we to judge? I’m not talking about someone choosing to wear purple suspenders or cut their hair off. I’m talking major life decisions. You don’t need to understand them. Maybe they have a reason, maybe they don’t. But it’s not up to us to make that call.

This is my best friend and her little boy. She has metastatic cancer, and she is amazing. She is smart and funny and compassionate and brilliant. She is a fantastic mom. She is an amazing wife. And Wayne adores his mom, not because she’s perfect, but because she’s HIS Mom.

Why do I tell you this? Because in October of last year I left my fairly cushy government job (granted its as only 16 hours a week) to pursue my other job full time, because it allowed me the flexibility to spend my days with them.

We all make decisions in our life that other people aren’t going to understand. That’s ok. She is one of the people I love most in this world, and I am privileged to get to spend this time with her. I realize that not everyone can make a career change like this. Not everyone is able to leave job to spend time with their lived ones. But I did the math and I knew it would be possible. Scary, close, a little risky, but possible. I have to be extra careful to save my pennies and to watch my bank account. But it allows me to spend my days with my best friend. It allows me to pick up my nephew from school and go on adventures. It allows me to be there. Today we napped (ok she napped and I watched TV), and some days we do even less.

I would not trade this experience for anything. And there is no job in the world that is worth more than what I have right now. They are my world. And I am so lucky to have this opportunity.

Please, hug the ones you love. Tell them often. Do what you need to do to make the right decision for YOU. No one has the right to judge you for those choices.

Money Diary: Day Six

January 23, 2018January 23, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

6:45 AM – Up and at ‘em. Walk the dogs, and because I am not working on anything time sensitive, try to go back to sleep for a bit.

7:30 AM – One of my dogs is definitely not into resting this morning, so we get up and go for another walk. I make a piece of toast, and watch a little morning news.

9:30 AM – Head to Winco for a few things I need to pick up. I get cat food, avocados, yogurt, crackers, frozen mangos and hash browns. $21.30

10:30 AM – Groceries in tow I head over to my best friend’s house. We watch silly TV and discuss our weekends. For lunch, we heat up random things found in her fridge.

12:15 PM – Bestie’s Hubby comes home and we watch the Assassination of Gianni Versace. Very good!

3:30 PM – I head to Safeway and Trader Joe’s to get a couple airplane snacks for my trip this coming Saturday. $17.60

4:30 PM – Back home, I walk my dogs and put the food away. I eat a snack plate of hummus, olives, pita chips, carrots and cucumbers. It will keep me full until dinner.

6:00 PM – Bread and goat cheese. I’m an adult, that counts as dinner, right?

9:15 PM – Roommate and I decide to book our trip to San Diego before bed. The total comes out to $430 and she will pay me for her ticket later so my total is $215

9:45 PM – Off to bed!

Total spent: $243.90

Money Diaries: Day Five

January 22, 2018 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

7:20 AM – Come on guys! It’s Sunday! Do we really have to get up this early on a weekend!? I walk the dogs and feed them and head back to bed. I don’t actually get much more sleep because the dogs are so fussy this morning, so we roll out of bed around 8:30 for a second time.

8:45 AM – I make some toast and drink a glass of water. I decide to take a shower because I am not sure what my day is going to look like. I have friends coming over this afternoon and I want to get to Winco if there is time.

9:00 AM – I get a text from my bestie that she isn’t feeling well today, so I tentatively decide not to do anything important today in case she needs me to pick up her little one. We discuss me keeping her company tomorrow and picking up her little boy on Tuesday. Ok, now I can shower.

10:30 AM – Finish drying my hair and doing a few adult things (dishes, laundry etc.) Roommate and her man go out to breakfast and offer to bring coffee home for me (I’m out of creamer) Yes please!

10:45 AM – I put on the record from last night (SYML) and pick up my book. I am about 2/3 through it and I know it is going to break my heart. But I love the story so much so I settle in for the rest of the book.

11:15 AM – (Home with coffee) Still reading, heart breaking.

1:15 PM – I finish the book. I’m sobbing and covered in snot, total hot mess. I love this story so much. I wash my face and drink a glass of water. I’m exhausted (emotionally) and decide to take a nap until my friends come over.

2:00 PM – Do you have a cat? Cats are the most wonderful creatures, mine loves to snuggle and literally be on my face at all times. This however doesn’t allow for good napping conditions. I settle for bed rest and flipping through Instagram.

2:20 PM – My friends call to tell me they are on the train and should arrive in an hour. Suddenly feeling my lack of food, but they mentioned wanting to get Mexican food so I don’t want to eat anything until they get here.

3:30 PM – I walk the dogs. Because of the weekend schedule (apparently) the train my friends are on stopped a few stations too soon and is turning around. So, they get off the train and call for me to pick them up. Ok, off we go.

3:45 PM – We swing by the house to pick up Roomie and head to a new restaurant.

4:00 PM – We devour the chips and salsa and all order yummy food. We split dinner 4 ways and my portion comes to $11.50

5:00 PM – Thoroughly stuffed, we head home to watch a movie. We pick The Big Sick (go see it!) and all hang out on the couch.

7:45 PM – It was a great movie, everyone loved it. My friends decide to call a Lyft to get home, as the train is going to take an hour.

8:15 PM – Roommate watches something on TV while I walk the dogs and read some blogs. I am exhausted from being up so late, and the emotional rollercoaster of the book I read this morning (is this just something that happens to me? I get so caught up in a story that it literally exhausts me.)

9:00 PM – I think I’m going to head to bed early tonight. It’s going to be a very busy week and I’d like to start off on the right foot.

Total spent: $11.50

On this New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2017 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

It’s the last day of 2017. How crazy is that? Where did this year go? I feel like I say that every year though. Even though SO MUCH happened this year, it still feels likes like it flew by.

I thought I would share with you some of my favorite moments of this year, and look forward to some of the things I am seeing for the new year.

February – I moved in with my good friend Rachel. It was a good move for both of us, and our dogs love each other! It is so nice to have a roommate that I adore, because we spend so much time together. We binge watch Buffy, talk about what’s bothering us, compare notes on our dates. It really is so nice to have amazing women in my life that I get to spend time with.

May – I took an epic road trip across the country with my friend Sue to bring my sweet foster boy Jethro home. He was from a case we handled at work and I was in love. Still am. I knew the day I met him that I wanted to bring him home. He deserves the best life, far from where he came. Sue and I packed up and drove from Ohio all the way to Oregon. It should have taken 4 days, but it took 6 because we got stuck in a snow storm in Wyoming! Jethro got a new home with us and we are so happy to have him! It may have taken one of our dogs a little while to adjust, but he is well settled now.

October – I left one of my jobs. I know that may not be a positive for everyone, but for me this was a good move. I was in need of something more in my life, and I needed my schedule to be more accommodating to my needs. My other job involves a lot of travel but I can pretty much pick when I want to be gone and when I want to be home. I also work from home but that is so much more conducive to my lifestyle. It allows me to be home with my animals more, as well as spend time with loved ones . My job now is rewarding, engaging, fulfilling, supportive. My coworkers are my family, my chosen family. We choose to be away from home for holidays, birthdays, milestones. We wake up at the crack of dawn to do really difficult work, heartbreaking work. But it’s worth it. It fills me with such joy to know I am making a difference in this world, and I am so lucky to have found these people and this job.

December – Two of my good friends welcomed little babies into their lives. I am so excited to get to be Auntie to these two adorable little ones. I take my job as Aunt very seriously and I intend to love, snuggle, kiss, coo, and generally fawn over them for as long as they’ll let me.

What I am looking forward to in 2018:

May – My family and I will be taking a trip to London and Amsterdam. I haven’t travelled abroad in a while so I am really looking forward to this trip!

In general, I am looking forward to spending time with my family and friends, working with my dogs, snuggling my kitty, and trying to move forward with my life. We can so easily get stuck in one place and I think it’s important to keep trying. Keep trying new things, keep seeing new places, keep opening your eyes to new experiences.

I look forward to having my boots on the ground more, and working my ass off as much as I can. I look forward to long days and long nights. I look forward to all the experiences that may present themselves. I look forward to falling in love. Happy New Year everyone.

When in doubt, Oprah

November 30, 2017November 30, 2017 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

Let me say first and foremost, I love Oprah. Have always, and will always, admire her for her strength, courage, zest for life, passion, compassion, and honesty. She is a badass lady and we should all aspire to be badass babes! But I digress….

Let’s talk about gift giving. It can be tricky this time of year to decide who you will be buying (or making) gifts for. Immediate family only? Extended family? Which friends or acquaintances? Work folks? It can get tricky, and quickly! One thing you obviously need to consider is you budget. Maybe you can afford to spend money on everyone you have ever met, that’s up to you. I think I’ll save that breakdown for another post.

Today I want to talk about, holiday shopping for kids. I don’t have kids, but I am an aunt, and I take my job very seriously! He is one of the great joys of my life. So for holidays, I always want to spoil him! But how much is too much? Or how little is too little? So I always fall back on something Oprah said, many moons ago.

For holidays, I get my nephew: Something he wants, something he needs, something he can wear, and something he can read. This has gotten me through all holiday seasons since he was born. And it’s really fantastic when you think about it! Perhaps you can only afford to get them one thing this year, that is completely reasonable! However, I squirrel money away all year so that I can do my holiday shopping. If I’m careful in my planning, I can get him 4 things without hurting my budget.

Something he wants

My squishy boy is really into Paw Patrol, so I am thinking I will get him something from the franchise. Perhaps a stuffy or a puzzle?

Something he needs

For this one I ask his parents. Wipes, socks, a backpack. Whatever they deem he NEEDS, I get. He will like it no matter what it is (oh the joy of two year olds!) an his parents will get something taken off their shopping list. Win win!

Something he can wear

For this category I usually go with PJ’s because, darn kids are adorable in jammies! But this year, I found an adorable puffer vest at a consignment shop that will look adorable on him! In a year or so. Hah, it’s too big for him! But I know his parents will agree that it’s a fabulous vest, and they will hang it in the closet until the time is right! It may not be perfect today, but it will be perfect one day!

Something he can read

This one may be my favorite, as I love reading with him. He has a lot of books, but because we read together often, I know what he has and what he doesn’t have. I plan to go to the library book sale to see if I can find some gems. Children’s books can be so expensive, and they don’t have a very long shelf life (hah! a book pun!) So I would rather get him books at less than full price.

I love this time of year, and having a little boy to celebrate with is really special to me. I don’t have children of my own, but I spend a lot of time with my two and a half year old nephew, and this time of year is simply magical. He is at such a great age for all the fun things!

What are you doing for the little ones in your life this holiday season?

I am thankful, today and every day

November 22, 2017November 23, 2017 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

As a little kid, I was extraordinarily lucky to live across the street from Ed and Shirley Meyers. They were my mentors, my friends, my confidants, my family. I love them, and still do love them, with all my heart. Ed passed away in 2003 and Shirley passed away in 2008, but I still think about them every single day.

I bring this up because they taught me something extremely valuable at a very young age: always be thankful. At the end of every day, Ed and Shirley would sit on the deck and watch the sun go down. As the last blip of sun disappeared behind the horizon, they would list of what they were thankful for that day. It usually went something like this “thank you God for another beautiful day. Thank you for the kids, thank you for your health, and the beautiful ocean that lays before us.” It changed a little every day, but they each always listed for what they were thankful for. On afternoons I was lucky enough to watch the sunset with them, they would ask me what I was thankful for. It’s a little thing but it has stuck with me all this time.

Now, I don’t need to know whether or not you choose to thank God or the universe or what not, it honestly doesn’t matter. But every day I list off the things I am thankful for, and it’s become a wonderful part of my evening. It reminds me to slow down and enjoy each day and each moment, because we aren’t guaranteed anything.

I typically say my list to myself each evening, but seeing as tomorrow is Thanksgiving I thought I would come up with a list of things I am grateful for today (tomorrow is busy, ya’ll gonna be cooking and cleaning and hopefully spending time with those you love!)

I am thankful for:

The obvious ones: friends, family, my pets

The maybe less obvious ones:

-Coworkers who have become friends, and then became family. We work in a weird world, one where we spend more time working in far away places with neglected and abused animals than we spend at home. We work at all hours, in all kinds of conditions. It is rarely comfortable and it is never glamorous. But I bet if you asked any one of us, we wouldn’t have it any other way. We may be an odd bunch, but I love my work family with all my heart. We have been through it all together and we are all so thankful to have one another.

(That’s Lois, Jess and I eating Jeni’s ice cream last night. I prefer Graeter’s, but it’s still damn good ice cream!)

-My health. Many of you right now are going “but, you have Crohn’s Disease, you aren’t healthy!” True dat. But you know what? I am so lucky to be alive. I am lucky that I know how to manage my illness and that I am able to live the life I want to lead. Is it always perfect? Absolutely not. It’s messy and painful and tiring and horrible at times. But you know what? When I have a good day I relish it. When I wake up after a good sleep I am so happy and appreciative of the energy I have. When I eat cheese! I am thrilled that I can eat some of the things I love without paying for it later (definitely can’t eat anything I want, but I’ll take cheese!)

-The internet. Ever thing about it? Most of our lives revolve around internet. Blogging, facebook, Amazing or other shopping sites, research, WebMd, where would we be without the internet!? I spend almost my entire working day at my computer, on the internet. Sending emails and responding to them. Coordinating flights and hotels for responders, looking up how much 5.11 tactical pants cost. Trust me, I am so thankful for the internet.

-Warm clothing. We are currently operating out of a building with no central heat, at an undisclosed location in the midwest. Let me tell you, IT’S COLD! Today the high is I think 39. So, definitely not the coldest but definitely chilly! I have a Carhartt jacket, fuzzy socks, a beanie that I love, and a scarf adorning my tactical pants and boots today. Plus my work issued hoodie, gotta represent!

-Fall in the Pacific Northwest. I mean, the colors! It’s just stunning. I great up in Southern California and it was nothing like where I live now. It’s truly breathtaking. Nor to mention apple picking, pumpkin patches, corn mazes, and everything else that comes with fall (NO pumpkin spice lattes for this lady!)

-My stellar amazeballs roommate. Ya’ll, you have no idea how lucky I am here. Not only do we get along, we agree on most things, like the same foods, like the same movies and tv, laugh at each other, and she loves my critters. I’m gone so much, and Holden gets to stay with her and Reddington because the boys are BFFs. When I called and said “Hey honey is it ok if I bring home a foster dog? He is from one of our fighting cases…” She said yes, as long as I thought he would get along with our boys. I literally am beyond thankful for her. She let me bring my whole menagerie of critters to live in her home. And she hasn’t killed me yet! I’m calling it a win.

I could go on, but I think you see that we all have things we need to be thankful for. I try to practice what I preach and thank the universe every day that I am alive. It’s a beautiful thing you know, waking up each morning.

What are you thankful for today and every day?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, from my family to yours!

Fall expenses (so far…)

November 18, 2017November 20, 2017 / thefrugalportlander / Leave a comment

Fall is typically a fairly expensive time of year for me. (Lots of birthdays, Halloween, cooler weather accessories…..) Though I always try to do my best, sometimes life just gets away from me. Here are some things I spent money on over the past few months (and how I feel about it)

Baby gift. My beautiful friend Sarah is having a baby next month and we recently celebrated her baby shower. It was a lovely afternoon spent with friends and family where we all ate a little too much and imbibed just enough. I will never regret a baby gift for someone I love so this was money well spent! (And I can’t post what I bought here just in case she reads this! Hi Sarah!)

Dog sweater. Meet Jethro. My perpetually chilly velvet hippo (pit bull). He is freaking adorable, lovable, and cold. He has a really short coat and literally zero percent body fat so he needs a sweater! I will not for a second regret keeping this sweet boy comfortable. He came from a terrible background and I promised I would always take care of him. So that’s exactly what I am doing! And a $9 on sale at Target fit the bill perfectly! (I have since ordered him another sweater, custom made so hopefully it will fit better as unfortunately this one was a little stretchy!)

A day at the pumpkin patch. I believe I purchased some locally made cheese, two tiny pumpkins, an a few pounds of local apples and pears. Oh and a coffee. Absolutely worth it. My bestie’s sister Katie was in town, and her husband Geoff able to take the day off work. So the five of us headed off for a foggy morning at the pumpkin patch. It was perfect. Lizzi was having a good morning and felt up to wandering the field looking at pumpkins, and Wayne (the wee one) had a great time picking out his pumpkins! Going to the farm and spending time as a family (I have included myself in their family) is always worth it to me. We had a fantastic time and were able to forget about a few things for a couple of hours.

I spent all of $4 on this skirt so I could be the Unipiper for Halloween this year. My friend Brian (left) is the actual Unipiper and I thought he would get a kick out of me dressing as him for Halloween. Fun fact, he thought it was great! He even let me borrow his Darth Vader mask and I posed with his unicycle. I am confident I would have killed myself, and possibly everyone else, had I actually tried riding it. So, posing with it had to suffice.

The list of things I am less than thrilled to have spent money on (and because I’m not pleased with myself, I will not include photos!)

-checked bag fee (my company reimburses me for this but still, gah!)

-unnecessary holiday decorations

-Jethro’s first sweater (I was happy about it at the time but when I discovered how ill-fitted it was I became disenfranchised with it. oh well)

-frilly spending at Target (you know what I mean. Socks, nail polish. A couple of little things that totaled maybe $15 but still! I did not need to spend that money!)

Overall I’d say I’m doing pretty well so far this fall. I like everyone have a harder time holding onto my money this time of year. Parties and gatherings and holidays just snatch it right out of my pocket! Some of it is totally worth it (baby showers galore!)